You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
