i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
