what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize