in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
