let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
