no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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