I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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