I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
