i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
