I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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