Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
