Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
