I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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