Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
