That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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