We won't sleep together?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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