i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
either way he was missing a nipple.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
