TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
