I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
