We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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