I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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