You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
