No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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