Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
There's always time for handjobs
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
