So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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