hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
