A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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