just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
