I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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