why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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