I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
