Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
