I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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