Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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