I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
