Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
