Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize