he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
