Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
