cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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