The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize