new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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