So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
