And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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