Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
