Ambien. No doubt about it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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