i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
