i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
