no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
