i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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