matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize