he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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