This girl is more easily done than said...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
