I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize