Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
