I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
