I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
