dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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