Screwed.edu
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
