he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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