dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
