It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
