He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
