Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
